Tear Down the Walls

There's just one more thing that I wanna say:

Everyone has got their own special way

That keeps them from getting too close to the day,

Accept and be part of it all and all;

Everyone tear down your own little wall

That keeps you from being a part of it all

'Cause you gotta be one with the one and all,

And everyone tear down your own little wall

That keeps you from being a part of it all

'Cause you gotta be one with the one and all,

You gotta be close to it all.

I remember so clearly, I was standing Crystal Palace Bowl, about three or four people back from the pool which sits in front of the stage, I’d had a couple of beers, I’d smoked a joint and was feeling good after seeing Richie Havens despite the now torrential rain, but for me the highlight was to come, and was to change me.

I had liked the music for a couple of years, but during the next hour I fell totally in love… and that hasn’t changed… Melanie has been important to me since that afternoon… she really moved me, and as she sang that passage up above, I was wiping away a tear or two.

Y’see, I had grown up quite lonely in so many ways, I didn’t go out much until around 1969, then started to go to concerts and gigs frequently on my own, before developing a huge raft of friends in the early 70’s, and even now, in, hmmm… around 1972?… I was still struggling to make lasting friendships.

As Melanie sang about tearing down your own little walls I realised that she was talking directly to me.. I had built a wall to protect myself, and although it was crumbling, it was breached but it was still there. I knew that I had to tear down my walls and let people in… let myself out… and get closer to people. That song, that concert, that afternoon, was a turning point… of course the alcohol and smoke played their part in this, the song opened my heart and mind to the humanity within me.

That’s what I am talking about here… the society we live in now is getting more and more distant, more and more remote.. more and more walls are going up and hearts and minds are closing in on themselves. Sure, we saw hope when the Berlin Wall came down, when the Cold War ended, but it was a false dawn.

We have just seen two Chechens kill with explosives at the end of the Boston Marathon… It was a barbarous act of brutality and cowardice, and I have no idea why it was done… neither have you. Does this mean that all Chechens are evil and dangerous… Myra Hindley and Ian Brady were dangerous, does that mean all the English are dangerous? Of course it doesn’t

What walls had they built for themselves? Why? What is their story? I don’t know… I don’t think anyone knows, maybe they don’t know. Until we know their story we must not be too quick to condemn them. By all means condemn the action they took. Of course they must face the penalty required by the law for that action, indeed the older has already paid the full price, but can any of us honestly say that given the same set of experiences they went through that we would behave differently, I like to think so, but can any of us put hand on heart and say we would have been different.

There is no disputing that the Third Reich was a brutal bigoted regime, but had we been in Berlin in 1936 would we have seen it that way,? Would we have joined up and done exactly the same?

In 2001 of course we saw the ultimate act of terrorism, the flying of aircraft into the World Trade Towers. That was an act of murder on such a vast scale it is hard to imagine it could have been carried out by human beings. The full blame of course fell on the Muslim community… does that mean the whole muslim community was guilty… of course not. I believe the majority of muslims were as appalled as anyone at the action. Despite that the community was vilified, feared, shunned… little wonder they built walls to face the walls we had built to face them.

Then we come back to Pratto… yes, I have written about the damage that Pratto does (http://on-goingcarersupport.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/pratto.html), but we should also try to understand him. Pratto bestrides the earth in his thousands, but his condition isn’t a natural one for a human being… it is borne out of the circumstances he has lived through, the experiences he has faced, and had we positive people gone through his experience, can we honestly say we would not be Pratto’s as well?

Tear down your wall… experience has shown me the truth of the old saying a trouble shared is a trouble halved. We can all build up stress by simply holding back and not admitting to others, or even ourselves, what we are feeling… that is one brick in the wall.

We close our minds to things we don’t understand, and therefore we decide that we don’t like them. We don’t understand that other religion that the chap over there follows… we build a wall to hide it… it is hidden and soon becomes feared, that is where so much prejudice and hatred comes from. And there is the other brick in place.

Now, the point of this is the stigma around mental illness… a condition that has caused me my share of grief, also caused my friends their share of grief… I believe if we are ever to get a more effective and support mental health service we first have to remove the stigma.

To do that, we have to accept that mental illness is just that, to understand it’s impact on sufferer and carer, to understand just how heartbreaking, how soul destroying it is when, as a patient or carer you are challenged in every way… you are told to pull yourself together, you are possibly called a nutter, you are even told

That you are not really ill… that is the wall so many people have built to protect themselves from the trauma of mental illness.

Y’know what… you are kidding yourself. Mental illness does not acknowledge that sort of wall, like a ghost, it will go straight through it as though it isn’t there… it will take over your whole being whether you think it is a real illness or not.

Please… tear down that wall… tear down all of those walls… you may not know but there are many many friends out there you don’t yet know. Tear down your walls and let them in.

You will feel the benefit of being close to it, close to the one and all.

And yes, if you wonder, I saw Melanie again a year or so ago, she doesn’t look as she did, time hasn’t actually treated her too well, the hair is greyer, the body bigger, much bigger, and judging by her performance her memory isn’t what it was… but the voice, my god the voice, still rose and spoke to my heart…

Thank you Melanie, I tore down my own little walls, and feel now a part of it all

Bullies should not Thrive

There are a number of subjects that remain rather taboo, they all have in common that they can isolate people and destroy lives. One of these is bullying.

Now, I think I can speak with some authority on this because I have experienced it from both sides… I’ve been bullied and yes, I have been a bully. I don’t say that for bravado or to glorify myself, it is the one thing in life I am ashamed of… but I say it because I need to be honest..  without that I can’t write this piece.

Looking back, I had one term at school, spring term in 1964, I was 13 going on 14 at the time, I was insecure, had no self confidence or self respect, and was, I think, rather lonely at times at school. I did have three friends, lads similar to myself, we saw others as the “big cheeses” in the class, the cool kids, though we probably didn’t call them that at that time… we were just the other kids, the misfits. None of this is an excuse for what I did… far from it, but it may show a type of person… and I what I and my friends did was not acceptable in any society.

I don’t know why it happened, why it started, but we started to pick on one lad, a pleasant innocuous lad, and enjoyed nothing more than to wait his return from lunch and taunt him, eventually building up to jostling him, hitting him, counting how long it took us to make him cry… and of course eventually we were caught and punished. School were very gentle with us, too gentle, I think because apart from this appalling behaviour, we had always kept our noses clean, we weren’t effective enough to get intro trouble!!!

As I type this the memories are flooding back to me, sort of series of stills… and I am finding them disturbing. Bullying is about exercising power… and as we had no power in ourselves, all we could do was to group together and persecute this lad. Yes, I do recall his name, his face, and the tears… I will not however name him… or my co-bullies of the time.

However, interestingly, the following school year both the lad and myself were downgraded to a lower stream, and, maybe it was the fact we were both secretly embarrassed by being relegated, we became good friends, indeed I recall the first concert I went to without my mum was actually to see the Animals with this lad.

I had also been bullied, never to this degree, but I have been bullied for most of my first 20 years of life. They aggressors would say I brought it on myself… I was fat, a lone child from a broken home so I was different… this was the 1950’s and 1960’s.

The worst instance of being bullied was at the hands of a swarthy class “hard case” who saw me as a swot, he couldn’t deal with a fat insecure kid being a swot and gradually turning into a teachers pet. I was frequently cuffed or punched by this person, forever taunted by him. One day in the science lab, all of us sitting on high stools, the teacher out of the room he turned to me and punched me in the genitals… so hard, the pain was intense… I fainted and fell from the stool. As a result of that a couple of the other lads came in on my side, protected me… I think that protection was the start of my rehabilitation.. although it was not immediate… like many lessons, it took a while to sink in

I was regularly called awful names which I will not repeat here… was pushed, jostled, insulted, was always last to be picked for sports, constantly laughed at for one reason or another, even by teachers, I was taunted for my weight, lack of stamina, for being a lone child… in those days most children had siblings… and a father… if not, well, you were different and a target.

I was a pretty horrible child and youth to be honest… I had a chip on my shoulder and was frightened of relationships, especially with girls. Whether this was all because I had no father figure, because I was bullied and insulted or simply because I was a horrid person I don’t know.

I changed… once in work I started to go out a bit, and discovered alcohol… boy did I discover alcohol… and later other stimulants. During this period the chip fell from my shoulder and the bitter lonely boy blossomed into a friendly outgoing, albeit frequently drunken, man with many friends.

It was at this time that the true horrors of my past started to really impact on my life, I never made a conscious decision about this but I suddenly found I was always supporting the underdog, if I saw someone being left out, I would go and try to befriend them, if I saw someone being tormented I would join in on their side. 

I was lucky, so lucky, that I was able to change. I now number among my friends many that have undergone bullying, and the effects linger, years later, they are often introverted, reluctant to stand out from a crowd. Others were less lucky, others have been so scarred that they have attempted to take their own lives, some tragically have succeeded.

I have learned the lesson… If you are a bully…. Please consider the implications of what you do on your victim.

Nowadays bullying can take many forms…physical bullying seems to have the same root causes as ever, the person that is different… the fat kid, the lad with the uncool trainers, with last years football strip… the youngster who doesn’t join in with the slightly dangerous activities, who goes home from college instead of hanging out. These people are looked on as a lion sees the weak or sick zebra and singled out to show how tough the inadequate assailants are.

Don’t however be fooled into thinking it is only rife among children… it is equally common amongst adults, and for the same reasons of differences.

However, bullying can take on a wide range of different aspects in adult life, the boss who demands too much of a weak staff member who daren’t say no, the shopkeeper who backs down to a boorish customer.

Now we have the spectre of cyber bullying, where people are ganged up by countless individuals who don’t even know the victim… they just sense a weakness and pick on it… and keep picking until something happens to stop them.

There are so many forms of bullying, we can’t look at them all, the two factors that are consistent throughout is that the perpetrators have some inadequacies, they need to try to show their strength, and do it to humiliate or damage an innocent person, and the victims are permanently scarred, it does affect their lives for far longer than even they sometimes realise.

This doesn’t even start to look at bullying based on race, religion, creed, nationality, sexuality and the other classifications that single individuals out for special treatment. However, the behaviour is equally toxic and the results equally destructive

For instance, whilst at school, two teachers bullied me.. whether deliberately or not I will never know… I was often ridiculed by these two men.. and there were two incidents that live with me forever.

I was late to a class because I had been to the dentist. I checked in with the teacher at the front and walked to my desk… as I walked away from him he started laughing, more and more ostentatiously. Anyone who knows me now will know I don’t like to walk away from someone I don’t know well.

The other one was a music teacher, now I know I can’t sing, never claimed to, but after a deal of ridicule he told me publicly and loudly not to sing in assembly because I could not hold a note… I know that, but since then I haven’t been able to join in community singing, even on football terraces.

Two minor instances of bullying that have left a mark, imagine what impact some of the more violent or outrageous form of bullying can have.

We need to drag this subject out of the dark corner it is in, learn to understand it… that lad we mentioned, leaves school and goes home? Maybe he has to go to look after a sick parent… he doesn’t need this extra pressure…

The lad with the uncool trainers? Maybe his parents are out of work, maybe they have had to give up work because of illness.. he doesn’t need this extra pressure.

The lad with the out of date football strip…. Why? Perhaps he is not into football, no problem with that surely? Perhaps he would love the latest, but his parents are drinking the money instead… not his fault, he has enough pressure without this bullying.

Is it any wonder that people take their lives to escape the bully? Bullying may just be the final straw in an already unbearably stressful life, the straw that breaks the camels back.

We have to build a society where victims trust enough to be able to tell someone about their situation, without feeling shame or embarrassment, the rest of us, we need to be aware… if we see it, we need to act upon it.

Only if we all respond, as a society, will we come close to eliminating this foul behaviour that blights our society.

As I said earlier, I was lucky and had the strength to turn my back on bullying, to admit it, and to do something about it, I was also inspired to always support the underdog.. we can do it in football… everyone loves to see a Blythe Spartans beat a Manchester United… but in life we always follow the ascendant, never the downtrodden victims

A Positive Blog! By Me!

As most people who know me will know all too well, I have never been the biggest fan of the Adult Mental Health Service within Leicestershire. However, I have to say that right now I am full of admiration for the work done over the last couple of years to improve things.

What we, as readers, need to remember is that much of the bad press the Trust have had lately relates to incidents 18 months to a year ago, incidents that were so serious and tragic that they must be highlighted and dealt with. However, the Trust have not simply hidden their heads in the sand they have responded very positively, understood the problems and responded to them.

As a representative of Carers Action and Labelled Young Carers, and having done a lot of voluntary work around the training programme with the Trust I have seen at first hand not only the commitment to improvement and the practical steps taken but also the quality of the staff I have been working with in the projects.

I believe the reporting we have seen in the local press is both irresponsible and damaging, concentrating solely on the negatives and not even highlighting the fact that the incidents are not current.

I am not advocating that the issues are not covered and reported, of course they must be, but the story should be complete, it should acknowledge not only that the incidents were in the past, but also that the Trust have already responded positively to the issues, and continue to do so.

I have had two really positive experiences with the Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust - Mental Health Service provider (LPT) in the last two days.

The first one I was privileged to be invited to attend their Celebrating Excellence award ceremony, This was a chance for the Trust to really recognize and acknowledge the quality of many of the staff and teams. And yes, the stories we heard, from the LPT, from patients and carers, reflects a wonderfully compassionate, dedicated highly motivated team working towards improvement, working towards greater excellence, and all the time focused on the needs of the patient and carer. I heard the word carer used so often during the day… two years ago that would have been unthinkable.

Today, with my colleagues from Carers Action and Labelled we had a 2 hour meeting with the senior service management, where we were able to offer some carer support to the trust, and discuss the truly inspiring developments currently transforming the LPT into a truly empathetic caring organisation, treating patients in a holistic and empathetic way centred on the needs of the patient.

As carers we have called for this for so long, under the current management of the LPT it is so reassuring, so positive, that they are listening, keen to engage patients their casers and families other service provider teams to make a fully joined up caring service for those with mental illness.

In the past Carers have always left meetings at the LPT, when invited, feeling short changed. I am delighted to be able to say that over the last year or so that has changed, and today we all left full of confidence, enthusiasm, and yes, pride in the progress the LPT has made towards patient/carer support.

Thank you so much everyone involved in this wonderful turn-round

I Got Angry Again

I’ve been involved in supporting carers of people with Mental Illness for a few years now, I got involved because I saw my wife receive such bloody awful service at the hands of the NHS, and as a Carer I was treated like dirt, got no support whatsoever from them. Indeed it got so bad that her consultant actually said she would rather she and her staff lie than tell me they didn’t know something.

I feel that I am reasonably eloquent and intelligent (though others will possibly dispute those points of course) and certainly can be stubborn. I really don’t want to see others have to go through the same crap we went through so have committed myself to doing what I can do to help to improve matters.

I work with some really committed, passionate people, who are all of the same mind, simply want to see an improvement to the service for everyone’s benefit. The thing about this work that consistently upsets me is the number of people involved in campaigning for the wrong reasons… either to line their own pockets, boost their own egos or to just talk and claim passion but do nothing so that they can tell their cronies at the golf club or women’s institute about the good deeds they are doing.

OK, I have been accused of volunteer snobbery for this view, I wont comment on that, but if you think it’s true, it doesn’t really bother me to be honest. I just want to do my bit to help our vulnerable people.

Today I have had a very mixed sort of day, one that left me feeling very frustrated and angry.. let me try to explain why….

Some time ago a friend of mine devised a training initiative to present to members of the Mental Health Service to try to get a better understanding of the carers role. The principle is simple, carers simply tell their stories, highlighting problems, fears and the emotional impact of the caring role. This is done by a series of Talking heads, where one carer interviews the other.

After the Talking Heads, and a break, we split into groups, and invite the professionals to tease out the main issues, consider some possible solutions and look for barriers, which may prevent progress.

It is a fairly simple process, but when the event is delivered well, with compassion and commitment it is very powerful and effective. However good the professionals they will hear things that shock and upset them…. And they will respond positively.

The principal has now been extended to concentrate on young carers, under 25 years old, though many are significantly younger than that. The event runs in exactly the same way, but the carers are all youngsters.

I attended a Young Carers session for the first time, in the role of support for the young people who were to deliver the talking head sessions. What I witnessed through the day made me extremely unhappy.

Not the fault of the young carers, who spoke eloquently, with passion and painful honesty about their situation, it would take a very hard heart not to have been moved, but sadly their stories, and their courage was insulted and marginalized by the behaviour of the team, running the sessions.

The session started late, despite the fact everyone participating was there some 90 minutes before the scheduled start. The whole event then opened with a an hours ramble by a presenter who was using scruffy flip chart pages which were out of sequence, who faced the flip chart to read it consistently, never made eye contact with his audience, and generally demonstrated a lack of real understanding or compassion for his subject, lack of respect for his audience of the health care professionals.

He briefly handed over to his co-presenter, who had written her speech out an hour or to earlier, but sadly gave the impression of being too drunk to read it, frequently asked for help from her colleague and got many of her facts wrong.

A third colleague stepped up to do a speech, which didn’t mention the young carers at any point, rambled inanely and didn’t actually say anything.

The first presenter then resumed, only to be interrupted by his colleague because he had missed bits out, which he struggled to incorporate.

This introduction ended with the presenters all stressing the importance of respecting the young carers, listening in silence and raising any issues in the discussions afterwards. The first carers had only been talking for a couple of minutes when one of the presenters callously interrupted them, booming out pointless and inane questions, which had he had the courtesy he demanded of others were answered within the talking head section anyway.

Throughout the introduction section it was clear that one presenter was in no condition to be there, as became spectacularly apparent a bit later, the lead presenter did not know most peoples names, ignored the young carers who were doing the talking heads, afterall the central point of the event, and was so jealous that if anyone got into a conversation with any of the decision makes from the Health Service he butted in, took over and left the other person feeling belittled and offended.

He also raised many issues around the age of the young carers, after all the point of the young carers event is that there is no minimum age for a carer, many are born into it and are caring before they start school. He was never able to offer a reason for his pointless obstinacy other than “it is the law”… didn’t know which law, or why, just that it is the law.

This sort of behaviour is in my view, unacceptable, and does the cause more harm than good.

The other aspect of people being involved for the wrong reasons is demonstrated in another group I work with, where we had members who spoke with passion, real strength and conviction, but sadly not much sense or knowledge, and who by force of personality won debates which they should not have done.

Their involvement was, as far as I could see, purely to sound off and to be able to tell people they were doing a great deal of charity work, when in fact they were stopping the others from doing anything constructive.

I believe that these “talkers not doers” and the kind of presenter described earlier are simply devaluing the work of the genuinely committed people who want to simply make a difference. These people should not be allowed to work in charity or voluntary work, they give the role a bad name, tarnishing all the good people involved. They hold back any real progress and simply frustrate their colleagues by their negativity and incompetence.

OK, this may be volunteer snobbery on my part… as I said earlier, I don’t care. I am driven to achieve things in terms of supporting mental health patients and their carers, improving the service provided and seeing a real positive difference.

I do not want to work with those whose role is to hold that back, or whose lack of commitment or passion devalues the work of others and dilutes the message…

I have been associated with the young carers of Labelled for a few months now, and it has been an incredibly invigorating, and indeed humbling, experience to work with such a great group of youngsters, doing what they believe in, with commitment, passion and energy… as all the support groups should be. It has totally brought me back to life, and I am now working to infect all the groups I am associated with the same passion and drive, so we can really make a difference rather than just talking about it.

A Difficult Subject

This is a difficult subject, one I probably have no right to write about, but I that isn’t going to stop me. It is something of which I have no personal direct experience, but I have dear friends who have… their stories are just so shocking, so disturbing, yet I know they are the tip of the iceberg… these things happen far more often than you would dare imagine.

What are we talking about now? Child abuse. In particular I am looking at sexual abuse. The appalling thing is that in the majority of sexual abuse cases, it is a close family member or close friend who commits the crimes.

Not only do these things happen more often than you would imagine, but they can continue, through the years, through generations, as statistics show that many abusers have themselves grown up being abused… they are themselves also victims, and their own sufferings are transferred to their children. It is important to understand, however, that not all who suffer go on to abuse, but all who are abused go on to suffer the effects for many years, if not for ever.

The implications for the victim, the person abused, are lifelong… not only do they suffer the pain, the shame, the terror the fear of the physical assaults, the rapes, but they carry the fear and horror with them around the clock, day in, day out for a lifetime.

They become defensive, suspicious, withdrawn… they cannot form proper bonds, so have few if any friends, they often fail at school because they are so continually worried about what will happen when they get home, so distracted by it that they cannot concentrate, and they cannot work at home because of what they are expecting every minute.

The issue is, the abuse usually is at home, no-one sees it apart from the two people… usually the two people… involved…

If you have not been there, you will wonder why the victim doesn’t tell the other parent, tell the police, tell the school… ask for help… if you have been there, you will know exactly why you can’t; you are frightened, you are embarrassed, you are ashamed of what is happening to you.. and the longer it goes on the harder it becomes to tell… you know that other family members will not believe you anyway.

So often then, the abuse carries on over years, the victim finds it less and less possible to speak up, the perpetrator thrives on the power and domination in the situation. Whatever happens, the pain, suffering, trauma of the abuse will live forever in the victim.

It is so important to identify where this behaviour is happening, and there is one huge difficulty of the situation. We do not want the so-called nanny state peering into to every room of every household daily to track down abuse, but we cannot allow it to carry on. There has to be a compromise somewhere betwen

I don’t have any definitive answers to this question, but the victims must surely display signs of the abuse, either by way of suspicious bruises, withdrawn behaviour, erratic behaviour… of course these all have a host of potential causes, but all need dealing with, they should not be left unchecked. In a previous job I had to do regular training sessions in safeguarding, and I only saw children, for the most part with their parents or teachers in school parties, but it is useful and important training.

I wonder if teachers, and everyone whose work puts them regularly in contact with a group of children, should have more intensive training in how to identify children who are being abused, or indeed being bullied, or acting as carers…because they are the people that see most of the children, other than the parents, and we know most abuse is in the home.

It may also be useful to introduce the same subjects into the curriculum, not in detail, but to get younger folk to become accustomed to the concept and implications of abuse, mental illness and a host of other sensitive subjects may just help to eradicate the stigma which makes it so impossible to talk about it publicly and to be willing to seek help when it is needed.

I realise that this sort of approach would offend, and there is an argument that it would rob the children of their innocence too soon… but we need to consider the well being of the countless children who are, even now, being abused or losing their youth for any one of many reasons.

I am the last person to encourage the so-called “nanny-state” or big brother, and I don’t want to see children losing their childhood innocence too early, but I think we have to compromise towards these situations to protect the people who are being abused, remember the damage that can be done to someone by sexually abusing them is beyond imaging… it can leave people literally scarred for life, both physically and mentally, it will severely impact on any potential future relationships, you will be unable to trust people, you will have a lifetime sentence of depression and post traumatic stress, fear of trusting people…

Can you imagine what it is like at the time you most need your parents support to know that that is the last thing you can ever have, to grow up knowing a parent is responsible for your sufferings, to resent them for eternity…

Can you imagine being unable to trust anyone enough to have a proper relationship, or alternatively totally lose everything and give yourself recklessly to everyone.

Can you imagine, beyond this, to have a serious mental illness for life, to need therapy but know that therapy is potentially as dangerous as the suffering.

Is it any wonder that victims of abuse are prone to serious self-harm under duress and even suicide attempts, because there is no way out, at best you can learn to control to some extent the appalling damage you have suffered.

Even if you are strong enough to form a loving bond with a partner, to have children, to know that your partners life will also be blighted by your illness, that any children will be brought up, lovingly and compassionately, but knowing the horror of a parent suffering serious mental illness and feeling the shame of being a victim of something totally out of their control, feeling  unworthy, and perhaps not understanding that the self harm and suicide attempts are because it is so much easier to deal with than the mental torment, rather than being a tacit statement that they don’t love their family enough, or even dislike them enough, to want to stay with them.

It affects everyone involved… it affects them for life… there is no respite from this sort of suffering.

I know that training teachers, and others who see children regularly in a professional capacity is an expensive and demanding strategy, I know that setting up peer group counselling services and therapy is expensive and demanding, but consider the benefits, not only is there a chance that abused children will be identified sooner, minimising the suffering, improving their chances of recovering a normal life, but on a mercenary level, it would be probably less expensive than the cost of providing care and support for the victims if they escape and are able to talk about it, or when they collapse into serious mental illness and need permanent hospitalisation.

I really don’t have the answers, I do at least acknowledge the questions, the main one of which is that vast numbers of children in the past, and now, and in the future are being sexually abused, and having their entire lives ruined through no fault of their own, and we need to do something about it.

These people need all the help and support we can give them, every last scrap of help and support to prevent them getting into the desperate condition that so many now find themselves in.

No price is too great to achieve that, so let us at least take the rose tinted glasses away from our eyes, start the discussion, try, as with mental illness, to at least remove the stigma for the victims. Only then will we be able to start to make some headway.

As for the abusers… not my problem right now, maybe subject for another article… it may not be simple black and white.. but for the victim it is, it always will be… they have been abused, assaulted, stripped of dignity and hope and have had their entire lives broken.

That is something that must not be allowed to continue

Some People Make me Angry

I get angry sometimes, I don’t tend to rant and scream, but I get angry. I get angry with people usually, well people and traffic lights to be honest, but mainly with people. Not all people, most people I know are great…. The ones that I get angry about tend to attract at least one of the following epithets to them… parasite, liar, hypocrite, time waster, judgemental… Sounds like a particular occupation? Maybe, but in many ways we are all guilty of the last point. Don’t kid yourself… you have been ready to condemn because that lad is wearing a hoodie, because his hair is too long, she is wearing a low cut top and short skirt, he is black, she is fat, he is ginger… yes, you are judging based on a single characteristic without any evidence to support you

I have a few specific people in mind, but I suspect I will get in deep trouble if I name names, or make it too obvious… but I will describe the types of people generically. I think anyone who knows me well wont need telling who I am thinking of, but don’t ask me if you are right… in case I answer!!

So, like many people I know, I do voluntary work, and like 95% of others who do, I do it for one reason and one reason only. I see a need for improvement, for understanding and to defend people who don’t have a voice to raise in their own defence. I don’t seek praise, reward or anything else. The only reward I value is to see someone getting some support as a result of something I have done, fought for… or to see what I think are evil or inept practices being challenged and corrected.

I think I speak for all genuine campaigners and voluntary workers in that. What really frustrates me is when the authority we are challenging won’t listen, but I can live with that.

The people that anger me are people working for charities, campaigning, but who don’t share my commitment and passion to achieve something positive. Individuals who can wring their hands in passion, declaim eloquently about how we have to make changes, but will not take the next step to do something. I have seen people bellow indignantly, strike the table, declaim like an old testament prophet of wrath and eternal damnation, but ask them to approve a stiff letter, or a piece of action, and the answer is always “no”.

I question the motivation of these people… do they really want to see change, to help their nominated sector of society, to improve things, or do they simply want the brownie points of nominally supporting the cause, but in practice simply hold back any improvement. That way they can tell their golf club, or their ladies circle about how they do good works, but without the risk of ever having to get their hands dirty by actually doing anything to help, after all, they don’t want to have to deal with the working class do they?

The second group that I want to highlight are simple liars, people who do not tell the truth, who hide truth behind falsehood for their own gratification or self aggrandisement. Obviously this is wrong, but I wonder how many liars understand the implications of what they do. I am not perfect, like everyone else I have ever met, or ever will meet, I can lie… I can add to incidents for comic effect, the “white lie” to avoid offence (Does my bum look big In this?” “no dear”) these things don’t matter in the great scheme of things.

Where lieing does matter is in people in authority… in people who we need to have every confidence in… such as teachers, doctors, religious leaders, politicians, police officers.

If we are ill, or our loved one is ill, we are whether we accept it or not, vulnerable. We need our consultants to be honest and open. Of course there are times when it is acceptable to blur the truth… a dieing man may prefer not to know that, to live the rest of his life as normally as possible. It is, however, my firm belief that it is totally wrong to deceive his family. The bottom line of this is that a consultant tells you that your loved one is doing ok, will recover and be home in no time… but they die all the same.

Sometimes of course the prognosis is genuinely optimistic, and something happens to change it, but all to often their really is no hope, and, possibly for the best of reasons, the consultant will say all is well, knowing it not to be, to avoid the family getting upset or panicking. For me, these families deserve to know the truth, need to know the truth, so that they can come to terms, make their farewells, and prepare for the inevitable… maybe not now but in a year or too when it becomes imminent, but if they don’t know, they cannot make the arrangements, the appropriate gestures. They will lose their loved one with regrets and greater sorrow.

When a consultant does not tell the truth, they undermine all their own work, and all that of their colleagues immediately they are found out, as they inevitably will be, they lose the respect of the patients and their carers, the word of “the doctor”, any doctor, is not trusted, and this can have serious implications for any subsequent illnesses in the family group.

It is never acceptable for people in authority, where trust is a vital commodity in the process, to lie… there is no problem saying “I don’t know, I’ll check for you and get back to you” or “it’s not good news but…. “. Always better to tell the truth.

Then we have the parasites, they will encourage  the genuine people to do things, achieve things, then their egos or apathies will walk in and take the plaudits… like many I do my share of graft for the causes I seek to espouse… and I aim to get publicity for the cause by writing articles, letters, making phone calls or simply by waffling incessantly at people.

At other times in order to deliver my projects it is essential to work in conjunction with someone else, maybe another group, because I have the skills and they have the money to push it forward… there could be other things of course, but this is a typical one.

I would really get upset if we had an agreement to work together for the good of the sector of society I choose to work with, and the other party provided the resources, and I worked my butt off to deliver the good deeds, only to find that they impose a condition that they tell me how to do the project to tie in with their agenda, rather thn need, and that it will carry their branding and none of mine.

Sadly there are many organisations, often within City and County Councils, who have no real commitment to anything, except using decent hardworking people doing good important works only to take the credit for everything as though it was theirs from the beginning and be handsomely rewarded for it.

It is all about power, taking advantage of the willing, honest person with commitment and passion, sucking out all the goodness and taking it on themselves without doing anything at all to earn it.

All of the above types are time wasters, but some people are time wasters without any of the above sins. How often do you see people asked to do something, or support something, but even knowing it is important and the path forward clearly signposted, will want to give it another 48 hours before doing anything, then wanting not only to review everything from the first discussion, but to have it all illustrated in pie charts, graphs, a 48 page report in triplicate and further discussion.

These people seem to be indecisive, and sometimes they are, and it could be a result of depression or anxiety, both of which lead to difficulty in making decisions. As often as not, however, they are time wasters, hoping against hope that if they prevaricate long enough the need or possibility of action has passed and they can move on to wasting someone elses time.

These people, are called time wasters and can often be found in the corridors of decision in council halls around the country.

Yes, I am frequently referred to as a Victor Meldrew type, forever moaning about things, about people… and yes, I don’t suffer fools gladly and do raise issues when I feel they need raising, but I think I achieve a damn site more for my causes than the kind of people I describe here. They hold back any possible progress and improvement and that makes me angry…

Live Albums

Well, I was driving home earlier, listening to random tracks from the ipod... when up pops this rather rocking piece of blues... knew it at once, it was Statesboro Blues from the Allman Brothers Live at the Fillmore double album. The Allmans are a band I have always loved, and to hear them at their best, you need to hear them live, so this album is both a fine remembrance and a fine album.

                
It did, however, make me think on the value of the double live albums which virtually everyone had to release in the early 70's... and are still fairly common currency even today... i was thinking this: the live album.... a blessing or a curse.?

Once again I have decided you can't generalise, for some artists the live album is a fine album critical part of their legacy, for others it is an inferior greatest hits album, for a third section of the music world, a contractual obligation to cover a lack of material... for so many more a serious error.

Whichever category it falls into, is it generally a fair reflection of the concert recorded.

I have a few examples...  for me the aforementioned Allman Brothers Band Live at the Fillmore East is a glowing example of the quality and music of the band, it flows, it has short sharp pieces, extended pieces and a couple of their extended jams, a fair representation of their set, a mixed bag of pieces, and taken and pressed untouched from the live recording. I think there are other albums that come into this category, most of the Grateful Dead live albums do it. There are others of course.... i would include especially Rory Gallagher's live albums in this list

I have a live Creedence Clearwater Revival album, it is a greatest hits set, all inferior versions to the recorded originals partly because John Fogarty was not in the band at the time. I also have a pukka greatest hits album, so never play the live one.

Live albums to cover lack of material, classic one comes to mind is the Rolling Stones Get Your Ya-Ya's Out... at the time they were clearly marking time, I think they lost the plot when they lost Brian, though Micky Taylor did a sterling job in his brief involvement, but they had nothing coming along, were not in a creative phase, so out comes a fairly miserable live album. The other may be the Eagles Hell Freezes Over... a bland rehash to cash in on their reunion when they didnt seem to be really together and had no creative spark.

The final category is the total disaster album... I would also include Ya Ya's in this category... down the years I have heard so many ill advised live albums, live albums by bands that simply should not get up on stage, should stay in the studio with the technology to help out. As I say, I have heard so many... just can't think of them now as I have hopefully put them out of my mind.... The one I cant excuse though is the John Lennon/Mothers of Invention farce that made disc 2 of Sometime in New York... to say that was appalling would be to praise it beyond it's worth

Then there is the question "How live is a live album". I recall a friend did a recorder weekend, which ended with a concert by the ensemble, a recorder orchestra, which i thoroughly enjoyed..... Obviously biased because of his presence, but I've played it to others without mentioning him and they have been quite impressed by it. However, the day after the concert, they all reassembled to re-record a number of bars, probably about 25 bits within the 1 hour concert.

Again, back to the YaYa's album, popular legend has it that all of the guitar solos were re-recorded in the studio, because they were all totally out of tune, and in some cases, the wrong key. 

In these cases the albums are not representative of the concert, and actually are a bit of a con. I am sure however that many live albums are rerecorded later.

I actually listened to a live album the other day (Sandy Denny - Gold Dust") where all the backing vocals were re-recorded for the album by people who had not played at the concert.

The other aspect of Live albums is banter... I love the John Sebastion live album because it has music I like, with typically Sebastian banter, which brings the concert closer to you. On the other hand, much as I love the Humble Pie Rockin' the FIllmore, the banter and exhortations to rock and so on sound banal and irritating sitting in your living room, while they work perfectly well in a concert hall. It certainly evokes the quality of the band live, and they were a live band rather than a studio band, there is a fair bit of that on Rory's Live in Europe, especially on the mandolin piece

So, there we have it, I have been philosophising on the live album lately... 

The other aspect of course now is the DVD... so many bands are releasing live DVD's now... for quality you cant beat Pink Floyd Pulse... has everything you want in a Pink Floyd concert, same applies to the Bands Last Waltz. DVD'S by the like of Roy Harper have a different value, they are also revealing insights into the man and his work.

One suspects that most live DVD's are basically untouched, although some merge sections from different concerts, when a piece was played better on a different night in the tour... can live with that

At the end of the day, among my favourite live albums and DVD's are the Bruce Springsteen ones, both audio and video discs include a selection of live recordings from concert stage, and tv studio over a decade, and include the obvious hits as well as some more obscure stuff. Not a concert, but a series of live versions of the songs – in some cases the studio versions are vastly superior, in others the live fel and performance adds to the song.